Ok, so, we’re on our way to Austin, my bladder is about to burst, I’m sitting on the “hump” and I’ve grown a nice water blister on the tippy-top of my pointer finger- that’s where I left off on the last blog. Let’s move forward a few hundred miles.
Did I mention that I hated Texas? I didn’t know I hated Texas until I moved there. Well, actually I didn’t know I hated Texas until I moved back to Kentucky and thought about Texas… then I hated it. Wanna know why? Going to and living in Texas was like being smack-dab in the middle of some sort of Biblical plague, that’s why. For starters, we can talk about the frogs in Shreveport, LA.
Someone in my family thought it would be a good idea to pit-stop for the night in Shreveport. It seemed like I fine idea. I can remember the hotel, how the room was laid out and the little details all the way down to the orange, yellow and brown flowered bed spread and shaggy green carpet. The counter-top in the bathing area was white with little tiny silver specks in it, and the drapes above the loud a/c unit, they were gold on one side with a sort of rubbery substance on the back. The room didn’t matter much because all we kids wanted to do was go swimming. I remember that pool for sure. It was a kidney shaped pool and there were so many green leafy plants around it. Pretty brown rocks and tropical flowers. I think I remember it because it was probably the first hotel stay I ever experienced. Truthfully speaking, the room and the pool was probably a dump but because this particular place got my hotel virginity, it was special and never to be forgotten. 🙂 Blu and I ran and jumped in the pool… ran and jumped again.. and again… and again. We jumped so much that the skin on my big toes peeled off!! Didn’t make me no matter, it was a beautiful pool, at the best hotel on the planet and I loved it. I’m not the only one who loved that pool. Frogs loved that pool too; well, they loved bugs around it anyway. Poor little things were just minding their business, chirping and eating bugs, until we found them. I didn’t know frogs couldn’t go in the pool. I thought they swam and would like to swim with us. Blu, Billy, Josh and I, we loaded that pool up with frogs. Kids and frogs go way back; back further in time before any of us kids knew anything about the love affair. That being said, you’d think our parents would have developed some sort of common sense when it came to such things as throwing a kabillion frogs into a chlorinated swimming pool. smh. I sure would have hated to be the one to clean that pool the next morning. yuk!
Moving right along to Austin, Texas. I have so many funny memories that I’ll have to put you on an installment plan. Hope you don’t mind, as I have a husband, a lot of kids, a grand baby and college classes to tend to. That’s right, college classes. You thought I was some dumb hillbilly from Kentucky, didn’t ya? I don’t blame ya, when I hear people talk like I do, I think they’re dumb hillbillies too. haha! OK, lets get back to it, shall we?
While the adults in my family looked for a place for all of us to live, my little cousins and I played around. One day, my aunt and uncle were looking at a house or something and us kids were outside running and playing and staying out of the way. Well, we spotted a huge ant hill, and I mean huge!! Ant hills in Kentucky are no bigger than a few tablespoons of brown sand with harmless black piss-ants living inside. When you walk by them, you kicked them down and went about your business because nothing remotely impressive happened. So, why on earth would we think that the ant hills in Texas were going to be any different? To our surprise the anthills were not only big, some were bigger than us…some grew up trees even!!! And how were we supposed to know that by kicking them down, or lets say… by pushing a smaller cousin into a hill.. would be a bad thing? O.M.G. Inside the really big anthills in Texas live really big ants that bite and leave really big welts. ha ha ha. I’ll never forget Billy getting pushed into a hill and within 2.2 seconds, he was covered with pissed off ants. I don’t know if it was the size of the welts all over Billy’s body or the whoopin’ we got after, but we didn’t go near anthills in Texas anymore. And let me tell you one more thing about those Texas ants…. they build and rebuild fast!! I remember there being a very little anthill at the base of our tree one night. A tree that we liked to play on and climb in. We went to bed and the next day that little anthill was the size of the tree!! No joke. Those ants weren’t playing around. (and I think they hated us)
If anyone knows me, they know I hate flying bugs. Bugs can creep. Bugs can crawl. Bugs can even hop, but bugs cannot fly. There is nothing worse than a flying bug… well, except for clowns. Clowns aren’t natural. I had already learned that Texas was full of huge attack ants but no one told me about the plague of flying, brown grasshoppers. O.M.G. You have no freaking idea how disgusting those things were. I remember walking into stores and those things would be nested up in the corners outside of the buildings. Sometimes they would be so thick that the door frames seemed to move! I was o.k. with them as long as they stayed put.. but let one fall off or fly and I was out!! Not even Usain Bolt can outrun me when it comes to flying insects. Nope.
Whoever said that everything was bigger in Texas, wasn’t exaggerating. Everything is bigger. They have bigger cars, bigger hair, bigger anthills and much bigger plagues of grasshoppers. . all of the reasons that I hate that big ole state.
Tomorrow we will talk about the WWF, body cast and the church people.