Day 88 – Sorry, I don’t speak BS

I haven’t logged into my laptop for a week.  Last time I did, I did so to post on WP about my brother and his addiction.  Since then I have been quite busy.  I haven’t even been able to think of anything to blog about either.  I stay pretty busy with the grand-baby a few days a week, homework and life in general.

Today I woke up early and tried to go back to sleep. After flipping about for an hour I decided to give up and drag out of the warm snuggle of the Tempurpedic.  Spring mornings are crisp here, the air in the house should have brought me to life but instead it tried to throw me back into my warm bed.  Truthfully I feel like a steamy pile of fresh dog dookie.    Everyone around me for the past two weeks has had some sort of cold and I have done my best (the germaphobe that I am) to avoid catching the crud.  I’ve washed my hands, Neti’ed the nose, aired out the house, used a lot of disinfectant, and since I couldn’t drink the hand sanitizer, I drank bourbon. (Same thing, right?)  Well this morning I woke up to a lifeless spirit and a nose full of snot. A nose that has had its turbinates removed and its septum straightened is a hollow canyon from tip to brain, it should NOT have snot stuffed anywhere inside. (man, that surgery would make a hellavuh funny blog- I better write myself a reminder for that one!!)

I scurried into the bathroom where hot water and steam would hopefully bring me to life and loosen this snot-ball in my face.   Nope, not a chance.  So I popped a 5mg Ritalin and chugged a cuppa and here I sit- NOT DOING HOMEWORK!!!   Good gravy.  I tried to do it but biology week 11 is about the responsiveness of life. I’m not responding to life right now therefore, I can’t learn about it.   After the first of many presentations I decided to call the detention center to see when visiting hours were so that I could go see my brother.  I was hoping for an Easter visit but apparently criminals aren’t privy to holiday visits. Truthfully I only wanted to visit that day because I would already be in town where he is incarcerated due to Easter plans with the family.  The lady gave my an 866 number to call to make a reservation to see him.

A reservation??? I don’t want to eat dinner with him or stay the night, I just wanted to pop in for like 5 minutes to tell him off.  Why on earth would I need to make a reservation to see Earl?  Is he that damn popular now?

I called the 866 number and the robot on the other end had me punching in numbers for English (which is a huge thorn in my side every time I am asked to chose 1 for our national language) to  find the inmate, to chose a day, to chose a time, to accept them all and to end the call.  I’m pretty sure that on my AT&T bill I will be changed for an international call after punching in all those damn numbers and I didn’t even get to talk to anyone!!!

After I hung up I sat for a moment- my heart as heavy as the lump sitting in my throat.  I’m not sad that Earl is in the pokey- I’m glad he is there and I hope he is staying for a damn long time.  More than anything I feel a sadness for my step-mother who, for another holiday, has to celebrate it without her only child.  I’m pissed at Earl for making the choices he has.  I’m angry that has lied to me once more about the reasons for his incarceration and my ONLY intention for seeing him is to tell him to his face how I feel.  I haven’t seen Earl in years.  As I said, I will communicate with him only by text where it can be documented.   Over the years, Earl has stolen from my son, my dad, his mom, my grandparents, his friends and Lord knows who else. To add all of the stolen money, irreplaceable goods and the pills he took from my 90 y.o. grandmother after her knee replacement and from his mom from her back surgery, the court fees, attorney fees, security system, and the bills my dad has had to pay for Earl have far exceeded $50k – –   this doesn’t include all of the money the state has to pay out in order to deal with his ass and we won’t even discuss the emotional damages he had casts upon his family.

I last text with Earl a week ago before he turned himself in for a parole violation.  He told me that it was due to non-disclosure.  He was about finished with court appointed classes when they found out that he was in a Suboxone clinic. (suboxone is used to treat opiate addiction)  The use of suboxone is a direct violation to his parole.    When Earl told me about having to turn himself in and why, I was skeptical. I didn’t baby him or feel sorry for him.  I was like, “Well you knew not to do it so– enjoy your 90 days.”    I found out a few days later that it wasn’t only the concealment of the suboxone clinic that got him into trouble. I knew I smelled bullshit.  Earl had also written a cold check and stolen from his landlord (a family member who allowed him to live in a trailer on her farm and help with the cows because he is a criminal and no one wants to rent to his ass) AND it gets better…. he had the nerve to drive to my dads house, open my dads mailbox and removed pain medication from his mothers mail-order pharmaceutical delivery. Yeah. They found the packing slip in the trailer after Earl went to jail. Can you spell F-E-D-E-R-A-L O-F-F-E-N-S-E????

So yeah, come April 15th at 10am, who is going to have a face-to-face with her dipshit, pill head brother for the last time?  This girl.

I’m done.
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5 thoughts on “Day 88 – Sorry, I don’t speak BS

  1. Hey, you. I have two brothers in jail. They’re adopted and actually the manageable ones in the family. Breland gets out after 8 years in October. But I had to baby my alcoholic mentally ill bio brothers ass Sunday and Monday while we stayed in the psych ER until 3:30 a.m., he refused detox, and then refused my offer to come stay with us as he’s finishing his masters degree this may, and go home to his abusive roommate on Monday. I understand your anger, love, and it is rightfully justified. I admire your grace for still being willing to talk to your brother. Huge hugs to you.

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      1. Yes. And it stops with you 🙂 call them out on their shit, but never stop loving. The biggest thing my best friends kept reminding me this weekend was “remember to take care of yourself, Genny.” So often we give and give and get caught up in the tornado, we end up enabling the insanity completely accidentally. Even though it’s jail, he’s safe, his needs are met, now you can work on just being a friend to him. You can walk away from his manipulation and still know he’s physically taken care of.

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