Day 124 – Bye Felicia!!

All of my grandparents are still alive- which I find rare within my cohort.  My mother’s parents are in their low 80’s and my dad’s parents are in the lower 90’s.  All four of them have lived through some pretty amazing things.  They have seen so much growth and development, and way too many wars. None of my grandparents drink or smoke, but that is about the only thing they have in common.

My mom’s parents are hard-working blue collar folks. They each have held several jobs, doing whatever it took to care for 6 kids.  The list includes everything from law enforcement and X-ray tech to factory workers and maids.  They got the job done.  Not only did they raise their six kids, they have also raised most of their grand-kids at some point or another.  Out of 6 of their kids they only have 1 of which is a complete waste of human flesh.  I’d say that’s pretty good odds.   The other 5 left home and began their own lives.  I’m not saying any of them have done it perfectly, but at least they ventured out of the damn nest.

My uncle Leif is the piece of crap kid.  He’s like 50 and has never left home. Ok.. I think he left once or twice but if adding up the total time compared to his years on earth, it adds up to like a day.  He left home for a day. I feel like shouting, “Way to go out and grab life by the horns there, tiger. Go get em!”  (can you sense the sarcasm?)   Leif not only didn’t leave the comfort of mommy and daddy’s wittle wub nest, he brought home a wife and three kids to share it…. and all of them, just like true parasites, suck every drop of blood from my grandparents lives and fill the home with disease.

I took my momma over to my grandparents house so she could visit with her mom on Mother’s Day.  I hadn’t stepped foot in that house in over a year.. and before that it was several years. (We will talk about this in another blog but right now it’s way too early for all that drama and I don’t think I could get through it without a glass of wine or three) When I walked into the living room I almost fainted. My grandparents are not dirty people. I was taught very early that, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” and I would have bet money that this teaching was written somewhere within the pages of the Bible, so you can imagine how taken aback I was when I was greeted with the over-whelming smell of baby vomit. My cousin (Leif’s damn kid) decided to move back home with her man and her two little kids. (she’s 25) The living room, (well it was the living room last time I was there) looked like a bomb was dropped in the middle of it; baby crap everywhere!!!!!  The house was very hot inside too which intensified the smell of the babies. My grandparents are clean but apparently not my cousin. Gross.

Lets back up a bit because I need to explain something to you about my mom’s parents –  they are both the grouchiest, mean-spirited people I’ve ever known. I’m not saying that to be hurtful; it’s the truth.  I have never.. not one time in my entire 40 years seen them be affectionate towards one another. I’ve never seen them hug or hold hands.. hell, I’ve never even heard them say a kind word about the other.  It has been a constant life of nagging, bitching, moaning and verbal abuse.   I seriously do not know how any of my aunts/uncles turned out to be decent people. (well, like I said, 5 outta 6 aint bad. hahaha) My grandmother is miserable. Leif and his maggot family have drained her body of everything good.  They have managed to turn her into a hateful old woman who wears blinders to the rest of us, who are good and treat her good. It’s almost as if she has been brainwashed to believe King Leif and his demon spawn are the only things that matter; they are to be cared for—even if it costs her the rest of her children & grandchildren.

That house is evil. It’s a cesspool of diseased minds. It is a prison in which my grandmother has been kept for 42 years, leaving only to work and return for more work. I am not kidding. I am not being dramatic or making shit up. Unless one of her other kids comes to get her to take her to a yard sale or a Goodwill, she doesn’t leave.  They never go to a movie or out to eat. They don’t take walks. She doesn’t visit friends or family.. they don’t attend birthday parties or other family gatherings. If it doesn’t happen within the confines of their house, it doesn’t happen at all.   Those walls hold her captive.  My grandfather is her warden and the rest of the brood are her cellmates.  There are very few visitors.

Yesterday I took a walk around the arboretum. For 2 miles I pondered and talked out loud about the shit-hole my grandmother lives in and by doing so I realized that she’s hateful because it’s the only thing she knows.  I swear every time I see Leif, I see my grandmothers happiness smeared across his lips like grease, left-over from the bite he just took out of her.

My grandparents live in a small house in the ghetto. Not kidding. It wasn’t a ghetto when they built, but over 42 years it has become one. It’s not a safe place. It’s filled with all kinds of riff-raft that two old people don’t need to be around. When you have mounted police patrolling the streets and 12 foot chain linked fences around properties, you’re not in a safe area.  They don’t move out because if they did, poor wittle Leify wouldn’t have place to live.

Living at home wouldn’t be a bad thing IF you were doing it to take care of your aging parents. IF you worked and provided food and other care and IF your loser kids didn’t live there too.  IF IF IF 

Oh by the way, Leif usually doesn’t have a job. IF he does, it last only for a short time. When he does work, he doesn’t help out with bills or food.  He wastes his money.  His wife is a carbon-copy of his piece-of-shittiness. She will steal you blind IF she isn’t whacked out on pills.  She doesn’t help clean and she doesn’t take care of her kids/grandkids when they are there.

This past week those two losers went on a vacation with the $4000 the got from doing odd jobs on someone’s house. They left their daughter and her stinky babies with two 80 year old people to care for. They didn’t leave a dime behind to help. SAY WHAT???   Oh hell naw…..  I know I’d throw all their crap out in the middle of the cul-de-sac and light it up.  I’d be like, “Bye Felicia!”  (hahaha I learned that phrase from my girls. They said it about someone and I was like, “Who’s Felicia?”  And one of them said, “Exactly!!” hahahaha)


I hate Leif.  I hate his wife and his kids. Hate is a strong word but I mean it from the very heart of it’s definition.  He will burn in hell for what he has done to his parents and to the rest of us (again, that blog is coming) and lemme tell ya, as soon as I smell the smoke, I’m gonna come running with my lawn chair and marshmallows. It’s gonna be a damn good day.


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