Motherhood 

I prayed- I have prayed for you from the first second I knew you existed, snuggled in my belly.

I prayed for your health and happiness.

I prayed that you’d always make the right decisions.

I prayed I’d never fail you and that my arms would always be strong enough to catch you when you fell.

I prayed for your forgiveness for all those times I let you down.

I prayed that you always know that I love you, unconditionally.
I cried-

I cried when I first heard your heartbeat.

I cried when I saw your little body floating on the screen, a black and white mass with two tiny arms and legs.

I cried the day you were born, a perfect little baby the only thing that ever belonged to me, mine, forever.

I cried the first time your were sick because the last thing I ever wanted you to feel was discomfort.

I cried every time I had to tell you, “No,” because I didn’t have enough money.

I cried the first day of kindergarten.

I cried when you got your drivers license and

I worried – paced the floor at night until I knew you were safe.

I cried when you graduated from high school and again when you began college.

I cried at your wedding, and again when your child was born.

I cried every time I disappointed you and couldn’t live up to your expectations.

I cried and continue to cry for you, tears that I will never allow you to see.

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