FML

I’ve had cold-like symptoms for a week now; runny left nostril, stuffy right.  Dry eyes that weep and a cough-

Omg the cough is off the chain!!   It’s not a mild cough that clears an obstruction in the airway, naw–  it’s a cough where you inhale, sucking all the air from the room then exhale through a violent force performed by all 640 skeletal muscles contracting at the same time.  The kind of cough that peels the lining from your lungs and makes you feel like you drank fire.   But there is an upside to all the coughing; free workout.  I feel like I’ve been through one hellavuh ab boot camp!

I went to the clinic today.  Wait.  Lemme stop you right there for a second.   I hate the word, “clinic.”  It sounds so –nasty.  I don’t know why except that it makes me think think of where abortions are performed, where needles can be exchanged and where cheaters go to find out if they have an STD.  

Ok so I’m at the “Little Clinic,” inside the supermarket and I’ve checked in.  The tech asked me what my symptoms were and I told her that it felt like I may have bronchitis.  Then she looked at me, told me it was her first day and could I spell, “Bronchitis,” for her?!?   Fml.

During the check-up I’m asked a series of questions and I answered them all while staring at the doctors mole.  It was huge and it had hair poking out of it from every direction….  Gross.   It was probably the most horrific thing I’ve ever seen outside of my dog eating it’s own vomit.  No joke!  The worst part; I have just gotten glasses and I was wearing them –   I’m not use to wearing glasses for vision, just for sun… I didn’t realize that the doc could see my eyes staring at her mole.  Embarrass.  Anyway, the tech comes over to take my vitals while the doc kept asking me questions that pertained to nothing regarding my reasons for being there.   The tech tells me that my BP is 98/77 and asked ME if that was normal.  Really? Then tells the doc, “No way she has a fever, her temp is 95.”    I sat there for a few seconds trying not to be an asshole.  It really took all I had in me to be nice. 

After a quick check of the ears and nose I’m told that I probably have a sinus infection and that’s why I’m coughing.   (I didn’t know sinus infections could make you cough up your f’ing spleen!)  Doc sent a prescription of amoxicillin over to the pharmacy and told me to, “feel better soon.”    I just blinked at her.   I didn’t know what to say–  my vitals suggested that I’m nearing death, she gave me a probable cause and prescription for amoxicillin –       Amoxicillin???  I wanted to tell her I wasn’t 4 years old and could swallow pills but I just wanted to go home.     

I got home and ate some ice cream and Oreo’s then opened the bag from the pharmacy.  Inside was two prescriptions: amoxicillin and Difucan. Shit.  I forgot that the cillin’s can cause yeast. (Fml again).       I noticed that the amoxicillin bottle was kinda large.  Then I opened it.  Lord hamercy-  the worst smell ever came wafting out.  Lemme help you understand- if Easter eggs and sauerkraut had a baby, it would be amoxicillin.   😷.   To top it all off, the pills are huge.  I’m not kidding.   So now, as though my bi-polar sinuses and violent coughing isn’t enough I get to add swallowing quarter sized antibiotics to the list.

Fml

  

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