Ok so today I went to the gym to study. That’s right… Study! I hopped up on that treadmill and walked my procrastinating ass 45 minutes across a peer-reviewed scholarly article on the recidivism rate in juvenile offenders and the cost-effectiveness of diversion programs vs. incarceration. Tired, cross-eyed and hungry I decided it was time to go.
My daughters were a few doors down at “Nail Pro” contracting fungus and probably MRSA. I gave them a call to let them know I was done and to see if they were too. I’m standing outside the gym talking to Danielle on the phone and while I’m listening to her chatting away….this older man in a black Toyota stops and from about 20ft away he’s says to me, “Those are incredible pants.” Within a split-second my mind processed that this man was a creeper with some sort of weird sex fetish so I force a smile and almost as a question said, “Thanks..?” This man looked at me like I was insane. And??? I was looking at him the same way, so it didn’t hurt my feelings none. The just sitting there looking at me got on my last nerve like…… yesterday. “Can I help you?” I asked and he replied, “Incredable pants.” I almost lost my shit. “Excussssse me??” I snapped. Slowly and taking care to annunciate every syllable, he yelled out, “IN. CREH. DUH. PET!” Oh my good lord … he said Incredipet, not, “Incredable pants.” Ha! That’s not embarrassing at all. Good grief. I’m gave the man directions to Incredipet, just across the street,next to the Liquor Barn. I was halfway embarrassed that I misunderstood him and the other half, offended that he didnt find my pants incredible.
Incredible pants. Only me.