2k17 Day 2 

What a laid back yet productive day.

The kids went back to school today and the grand-babies weren’t here which meant a quiet house and a tv without cartoons.  

The day began with driving to the next town over to help my dad put away Christmas decorations at my Nana’s house. The fog and misty air gave the feel of driving through a ghost town. The naked trees look like creepy fingers reaching out of the ground and the black cows with their white faces added to the spookiness.  The fog began to lift sometime in late morning but the air remained thick enough to cut all day.   61° and humid today and by Wednesday, 25° with possible snow: That’s the way the weather is in Kentucky. No one is ever shocked at what’s going on outside. Hahaha 

 My youngest spent a week in Arizona for winter break and already she suffers from a cold or sinus infection or God only know what. This is what Kentucky weather does to its residents. Tonight NyQuil, tomorrow the doctor … perhaps… we shall see. 

Dinner is done, kitchen is clean, everyone is hiding under their own little rocks around the house so, I suppose for the rest of tonight I will continue to veg out on “Man in the High Castle” while crocheting a pooled pattern blanket.  Not a bad way to end the second day of the year.  

Blessings to all,

Willow 

365 Pages

So begins a brand new book in life with 365 pages to fill.      Some pages will be written in perfect penmanship on high quality paper filled with moments of love and laughter. Some pages will be written with a skipping ballpoint on a corner of tissue soaked with heartache; others will be written with crayon on whatever paper I can find and filled with boring scribbles that no one will want to read.  Regardless, no pages will be left blank- they are a story that each day of my life will write whether I feel like it or not. And at the end of the year every mismatched page will be bound by heart strings and placed on a shelf in my mind: A treasure to keep forever. 

365 pages means I have 365 chances to write something amazing; A best selling novel!!!  And every day is a day that I can write something better than I did the day before; taking care to proofread and correct any mistake I make. 

365 pages.  A new year. A new book. 

I’m ready. 

America. #fail 

My 85 year old grandfather, like many of yours’, was in WWII.   He was also a police officer.    He served his country and his community.   He worked every single day, raised his six kids and just about all of us grandkids at one time or another….. 

As we speak he fights for his life. He has two brain bleeds and a clot in his heart. He has trouble walking, talking and sometimes he doesn’t know any of us. All understandable with what’s going on.  But you know what he did remember??  He remembered Germany and he remembered France. He told me all about serving his country while he lay in the hospital bed last week.  

The land of the free. We give illegals free every thing. We provide addicts clean needles. We waste millions of tax payer dollars prosecuting or defending “criminals,” and we waste a few million more on unnecessarily long-term prison sentences. Oh lord ha’mercy don’t get me started on the welfare system and all that wasted money!!!! 

So can someone please explain to me how, in this land of the free, a man who served his country, who upheld the law and who has been a PRODUCTIVE member of society his ENTIRE life, cannot get his VA medical insurance to provide him a wheelchair or walker??!

Why does a man with two brain bleeds love his country and the time he spent protecting it so much that he remembered it when he couldn’t   remember anything else; but that same country can’t remember that it once loved him?   #merica 

America – you should be ashamed. 

When you wish upon a star…

 you’re really setting goals for yourself. 

Yesterday I was sitting at my kitchen table looking over a rubric for a paper I have to write when it hit me-  I have achieved every goal I’ve ever set for myself.  How many people can say that??
When I was little girl (I’m talking around 3 years old and up), I preferred to play with boy toys; race cars, Tonka trucks, toy guns and tools.  One of my favorite things to do was play in a sandbox my dad built in my bedroom; with my dump trucks.   My mom bought me all the girl shit like dolls, Barbies, a kitchen and all the supplies… I did play with those things but when I did, I destroyed them.  I’d “operate” on my dolls, cut my Barbies hair off making them all punk-rockers and my kitchen….well it was kept spotless because I had all the dishes outside in the mud!!     I never cared too much about make-up, clothes or accessories.  I basically had my own dorky style. 

As I’ve said in previous posts, I was in love with anything public service. Early in life I was exposed to firemen, police officers, medics and news reporters: My mom worked the graveyard shift at Dunkin Donuts.   These good men and women inspired me to become one of them with their heroic stories. When I was little I wanted to be a fire fighter when I grew up.   I also wanted to be a journalist, a nurse and I wanted to be a police officer—   

I became a Fire Medic and I’m a decent writer. I have earned my SRNA, became a partner and GM at a successful business… I’ve traveled around the globe and I have lived all over the US. And soon, I will have my degree in Criminal Justice.   That’s pretty flippin’ AWSOME! 

Sadly this world defines success by the size of ones’ house, the year of ones’ car, a career choice and social status.  At one time I defined success the same way.   But looking at the goals I’ve achieved I’d have to say that success is defined by standing on top of the stars I once wished upon. 

Um…Excuuuuuuuuse me?

Ok so today I went to the gym to study.  That’s right… Study!  I hopped up on that treadmill and walked my procrastinating ass 45 minutes across a peer-reviewed scholarly article on the recidivism rate in juvenile offenders and the cost-effectiveness of diversion programs vs. incarceration.    Tired, cross-eyed and hungry I decided it was time to go.    

My daughters were a few  doors down at “Nail Pro” contracting fungus and probably MRSA.  I gave them a call to let them know I was done and to see if they were too.  I’m standing outside the gym talking to Danielle on the phone and while I’m listening to her chatting away….this older man in a black Toyota stops and from about 20ft away he’s says to me, “Those are incredible pants.”    Within a split-second my mind processed that this man was a creeper with some sort of weird sex fetish so I force a smile and almost as a question said, “Thanks..?”      This man looked at me like I was insane.  And??? I was looking at him the same way, so it didn’t hurt my feelings none.  The just sitting there looking at me got on my last nerve like…… yesterday. “Can I help you?” I asked and he replied, “Incredable pants.”   I almost lost my shit. “Excussssse me??” I snapped.   Slowly and taking care to annunciate every syllable, he yelled out, “IN. CREH. DUH. PET!”       Oh my good lord … he said Incredipet, not, “Incredable pants.”  Ha! That’s not embarrassing at all.   Good grief.  I’m gave the man directions to Incredipet, just across the street,next to the Liquor Barn. I was halfway embarrassed that I misunderstood him and the other half, offended that  he didnt find my pants incredible.  

Incredible pants.  Only me. 

K.I.S.S.

I hate it.   I absolutely hate to be disrespected and I will not tolerate it from anyone.  How hard is it to treat others as you would want to be treated?    I don’t understand kids who refuse to listen. I don’t understand parents who don’t teach their kids to respect them and others.   Teachers, Law enforcement and many others are abused everyday, verbally as well as physically because kids have idiots for parents.   Where do bullies come from? Yep, idiot parents.   Kids who bully other kids, and kid who are disrespectful are the product of their environment and I think their parents (or whoever the hell is caring for them) should be held partly responsible.

All I ask my kids to do is get good grades and keep their areas clean— this includes their bathroom.  I demand them to respect other people, including each other.  When these few rules are not followed, I lose my shit.  They simply do not know how good they have it and when they take for granted all that is done for them, a swift reminder takes place.  

I’ve never spanked my youngest child, I’ve never had to.  Don’t get me wrong, she can be a total jerk sometimes and she is dealt with by warnings and taking things away from her that she holds dear.  My two oldest might had had a handful of swats to the butt when they were little—   95 times from a 100, they could be warned and that was that.  Sometimes they lost privileges which was worse than anything else.     As many stupid things I’ve done in my lifetime, I’ve never faltered in raising my children to be respectful, productive members of society.  I’m proud of them and the adults they are (or are becoming.)      

Everything nowadays has to be faster to be considered better-  fast food, fast internet connections, fast cars, fast ways to make money and the worst of all, forcing kids grown up faster because you’re a shitty parent and don’t want to take the time to let them be kids.   Fast. Fast. Fast.    A study I read said that most families share a meal together only a couple of times a month. Most families are so on the go that they just grab food out, usually separately.   And you wonder why juvenile obesity and diabetes is soaring in America???  #idiot   Want to keep people out of prison? Start when they are young and raise them right. 

You know what this world needs? To get back to “family.”   Everyone needs to slow the hell down and get their minds focused on what’s important in their household instead of what’s happening on social media; Cook and eat a sit-down dinner together at home! Talk. Listen. Learn.  Make your kids earn what they want and stop handing them what they want just to shut them up.  And for the love of all things holy, bring Jesus …or whatever god you believe in (for all you Christian haters out there,) and His teachings back into the home. 

Keep It Simple Stupid and your kids might actually turn out to be decent people.   Just sayin’. 

Someone throw me a rope!

My mother went to the Good Sameritan ER last Sunday with severe flu-like symptoms, trouble breathing and feeling faint.   She has been fighting a “cold,” for two weeks and using OTC medications for self treatment.   As she lie in the hospital bed, I looked around at the filth around me.  This hospital was disgusting.  Clearly the janitorial department needs some training!

After sitting for a few hours, a blown vein, severe diarrhea and CTscan, my mother was moved to the Telemetry unit on the 4th floor. She wasn’t there long before she was moved to the ICU and intubated.  There is nothing more unnerving than seeing someone you love on life-support.  Unconscious and tubes running everywhere just makes your belly flop. I wasn’t at the hospital when my mother was intubated- and later that night when I got home, I stood at the sink washing dishes and almost lost it at the thought that this afternoon might have been the last time I’d ever see my mother awake. I was upset with myself for having left when I did, thinking I should have stayed longer so she wasn’t alone and afraid.  I was mad at the fact that my life still has to go forward – I still have kids and homework and and and…..

   The entire time my mother was in the hands of the Good Sam staff she was poked no less than 20 times.  None of the idiots could tell me what was wrong with her except that she had, “some type of pneumonia.”  My mother was transferred from Good Sam to the UK ICU at 4:30am Monday morning.  I have to say that UK hospital is very nice. It has been expanding like crazy over the last decade. I was initially disappointed learning that my mothers specific ICU was in the old part of UK.  I just knew it was gonna be bad.    

  I was right about it being old and dated but I cannot be happier with the medical staff caring for her.  Every doctor, nurse, tech, and specialist have done their best to keep me informed and treated my mother with the upmost respect.  Like I said, the unit is dated but it’s clean and filled with the best advanced technology available.  Within hours of being admitted at UK I was given my mothers diagnosis: pneumonia caused by corona virus hku1,  in other words, the common cold.  All they did was sick some snot from her lungs and test it.  How hard was that Good Sam??

The last three days have been a twisting, turning, bottom dropping out, roller-coaster ride. You wouldn’t think a common cold could cause so much havoc.   My mother goes from bad, worse, worse, better, great and now… bad again.  It’s a hella ride and I’d not wish it on my worst enemy.   To give an example, yesterday my mother was weaned slowly from the ventilator, eventually extubated and let to sit up in a chair.  This morning she was eating jello and now, she’s in bed, lethargic and seemingly not with it.  She has some odd behavior going on at the moment; ripping at her gown, reaching for things unseen, restless legs and moaning out often.   When I talk to her she responds with jumbled sounds that I cannot decipher.  Frustration is the only word I can think of to describe what we each feel.  Respiratory came in to give breathing treatments and hook her to a bi-pap machine which gives a constant flow of oxygen both upon inhale and exhale. My mother hates this mask on her face because it makes you feel like you’re being suffocated but her lungs are wet.. She has no other options but lasix and this machine. 

I’ve seen my mother is some very bad ways when I was younger which left only snapshots of random moments burned into my mind.  This time, being older, I have had the awful experience of senses overload.  All of my senses have been in overdrive and for the first time in my life I FEEL stressed.  Usually I just write things off as having had a bad day and move on but this past week has taken its toll leaving me with, “what if,” scenarios playing in my mind over and over like a bad song. I fight the stress, I fight the fatigue, I fight the tears back and I tell myself and everyone else that, “I’m fine,” hoping that if I say it enough it will become true.  There is just one of me but I carry many titles that include many responsibilities and right now they all on the back of my neck, jumping up and down screaming,  “Pick me! Pick me!!”  It’s hard to get everything done and it’s harder to know which order they should go in. 

I have two really good aunts and an uncle, many friends and my kids who have been right there with me each step of the way– but still it’s kind of lonely.   I’m an only child and my mothers ‘Power of Attorney,’ so no matter who stands beside me, ultimately it is me who has to make all the hard decisions when my mother cannot speak for herself.  It’s a heavy load.   I don’t usually buckle under stress but this year has sucked ass and I really wish someone would throw me a rope before I drown. 

Day 60 – Electronic Friendship

My poor neglected blog.  It’s been three days since I was here last; so sad. 😥 Have I even been missed? I highly doubt it but I can honestly say that I have missed reading many of y’alls posts. It’s funny how people connect and I don’t mean just by following, friending, liking, or commenting. I mean really connect, as in become electronic friends.   In reality I know only a handful of you in real life but many of you I feel connected to, like a strange sort of cyber-friendship I guess.  Although I’ve never met 95% of you I don’t feel that it’s weird in any way to feel a connection beyond “following.”  It’s how we do things in 2015.   We electronically share our lives everytime we Facebook, Tweet, blog, Instagram, chat, Skype, text and email..or whatever social media you use. Nowadays we even find love online. I am all for social media, man. It’s rocks!  No inconvenience and you have a choice to run your thoughts through a filter before responding to someone. 

I will admit that I don’t even like talking on the phone –  when my cell rings, 9 times out of 10 I’ll let it go to voice mail, then I’ll text the caller back.   Phone conversation went out with the beeper back in 1994.  Haha  You know I’m right and you know your guilty too.

I do love seeing my buddies though …nothing can beat a cold beer or hot coffee and a good conversation but that’s not something that I want everyday. I like my space plus I’ve already seen from social media everything my pals have been up to… sooo there’s no need to call or hang out too often.  I like it that way!! I feel that when my friends and I do come together it’s always fun because we’ve been away for enough time to have missed each other. 
People who want call and talk for hours or have to see each other all the time get on my last nerve.  Ain’t nobody got time for that!!  I’m like, just send me a text.      Hell, my New Year’s resolution was to write everyday but …well… it’s damn hard to write every single day when you’re a momma, a Nana, a wife and full-time student.  I don’t want to make my blog a daily journal (That’s what Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are for haha)  

With that I’ll go. It’s getting late and my day starts early tomorrow.  

G’night yall.

image