For the love of donuts 

I told you before that my mom worked in a donut shop when I was a kid.  I did a lot of my growing up sleeping on flour sacks in the back of the shop.  It’s one of my best childhood memories.   Owning that donut shop was what I had planned on- but it was closed down and the building has been turned into several different businesses.  Currently it is painted a putrid lime green and in the windows there are tires and shiny rims.    Still, whenever I pass this building I immediately think back to the donut shop.  I can see the “regulars,” smell the fresh coffee and taste the powdered sugar with every breath I take. Oh how I loved that donut shop.   These memories have been branded deep inside of me.  More than anything else, it’s how my momma connected to the customers.  Everyone loved her.  She had a way (still does) to make everyone feel like her best friend.   I’m pretty sure some of these customers came in just to see her; donuts and coffee were just a bonus. 

I also remember the color of the paper that lined the racks. At different times of the day the paper under the donuts would change to show they were fresh. Like in the wee hours of the morning it might have been yellow, late morning maybe pink and in the afternoon, white.  Customers knew how old the donuts were this way.  Anyway… At the end of the paper change the “old” donuts were thrown away.  My momma decided to place them in a clean garbage bag and set them outside the back door for the homeless folks.   She didn’t think I saw this, but I did. I didn’t get it all. 

Yesterday morning I had to run some errands and while making a quick stop at Walmart for a bag of catfood, Lelly called to asked me if I could get her some donuts. While I was talking to her while walking through the parking lot I noticed a homeless woman sitting with her sleeping bag up against the wall near the pop machines.  I’d seen her a few times before but like so many, I walked past. It wasn’t my problem. 

Inside Walmart I packed the 15lbs. of catfood on my hip like a lumpy toddler and the next aisle over I reached for a box of assorted donuts, tucking them between me and the catfood. Then I reached for another.   Two aisles over I grabbed a single serving bottle of whole milk and preceded to the check-out. I asked the cashier to place the milk and one box of donuts in a bag by themselves, and she did.  I took the bag to the homeless woman and when I handed to her, I saw her face for the first time.  She wasn’t what I expected.  From a distance she looked- homeless ….but when I took the time to get closer, she looked human.  I handed her the little gray plastic sack and wished her a, “Merry Christmas,” then I walked away.  The sensation that filled my chest was that of the Grinch when his heart grew three sizes. 

I debated on whether to share this story because I don’t think people should talk about what they do for others.  Truth is, I’ve always been bitter towards homeless people.  I’d turn my head and ignore them as I walked past. I mean, it’s their fault they were in the situation they were in, not mine and …come on now, they could get a job..they were choosing this lifestyle. They want handouts. Right!!???     This is what I usually think.  I’m not proud of my thought process, I’m just being honest.  Those people with signs asking for food- erk me. I’d see them in one area of town and later the same day is see them again, in another part of town.  They made me bitter because they only wanted money not work, not food.

So I bought donuts. I really don’t know why I did it but after doing so I debated whether to tell anyone about it because I didn’t want people to think that I was looking for pats on the back.  You know?  That’s not what this post is about.   This post is about doing more than handing someone a donut, it’s about serving another person.  It’s about being human in a world knee deep with shit.   This woman wasn’t panhandling; she didn’t have a sign–  for the most part she was invisible, but I saw her. I really saw her. I hope one day the homeless woman finds herself in different circumstances and I also hope that she knows that it wasn’t me serving her, it was her serving me and it all started with my love for donuts.

**thank you momma for loving people the way you do. I saw you. 

Day 56 – Time Flies

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This baby..she sure keeps me smiling! Sometimes I look at her and I cannot believe that she’s almost 2.  It seems like just last week I watched the doctor place sticky little Rae on my daughter’s chest for “kangaroo-care” (2 hours of skin-to-skin contact) and today I watched a different sticky little Rae lick chocolate from a spoon. 
Time flies.
In just a couple of months I will watch another grandchild, a grandson named Idris, come into this world. 
It’s truly the most amazing thing a parent can experience; their babies baby’s.
This is what it’s all about folks..

Day 41- Due Process is a BITCH

What I’m about to say will piss a lot of people off and quite possibly get me a few less followers- so be it.  
I don’t condone violence but I can now understand why kids walk into a school and shoot people when there are 15 disciplinary actions in front of expulsion for harrassment and bullying.    Wanna know how to solve it? Paddle that ass.   There in said it.

My 12 year old is beautiful and I’m not just saying that because she’s mine. If she were ugly I’d admit it because one thing that kills me is when parents think they have the cutest kids and they enter them in pagents.. I call it the “Honey Booboo Disease.”  But that’s not what this post is about.
My 12 year old has always been an honor roll student with good attendance. She’s always sparkled like a star with her peers/teachers and even been a peer tutor– but that’s before we moved to Lexington.

Lel started 7th grade at a new school in a new town and seemingly loved the change.  She was proud to move into a school zone that would allow her to graduate (in 5 years) from the same high school as her 91 y.o great-grandmother, her 60 y.o grandfather and two of her older siblings.  To be a Blue Devil is her dream.. and I’ll admit it makes me sappy to know she will follow in the footsteps of great family members.
Lel has a year and a half left in middle school with some of the worst kids I’ve ever had to deal with.  Soon after school started she was picked on by peers her age simply because the boys liked her.  I get it, girls are catty beasts; hell, I was.    I also know that middle school boys are full of piss & vinegar and they like to talk shit about who they’ve dated or had sex with or whatever even when it’s mostly bs.  I have two older kids who have made it all the way through and are now in college or own their own business. Not one time did I have to deal with bullshit like I’m dealing with now.    This is where the harrassment comes in. At first there was a little boy who wanted to go out with Lel but she turned him down.  This little creeper somehow got into Lel’s phone and got my phone number and my older daughters phone number and was calling/texting being ignorant so.. I had to call the school.  That ended that.

Next came a website that some kid(s) developed that was based on the latest middle school gossip.  Of course all the pretty girls were on there and being talked about like they were dirty whores.. Again, the school was contacted except this time in writing and threats of a lawsuit were made.  The IP address was eventually found as were the kid(s) who opened it and it was soon shut down.  Game over.

Next was an anonymous text sent from an unknown cell stating that the person on the other end was, “going to get her,”  Once more Lel took it to her guidance counselor and it was found out it was Lel’s best friend who claimed to be kidding. Guess the joke was on her-  this momma hates clowns.

And today it was brought to my attention that some little douche and his bags have been taunting Lel by calling her a slut.  Last straw.

I called the principal and told her that ever since Danielle started at her middle school my kid has gone from honor roll to D’s and F’s.  She has been picked at and talked about like shes a whore when she has YET to have ber first kiss.  She’s been put on a mild antidepressant for anxiety AND dreads going to school… then I told her that these are the reasons why kids walk into school and kill people or hang themselves from trees and I was DONE with it.  I told her she needed to fix ALL of the shit,  like YESTERDAY or I would.
I will do whatever I have to do to protect my cubs… I’ll blast the school on the news, picket in front of her front doors, as well as get an attorney. The principal told me she’d take care of it asap.  I informed her that when Lel went to a guidance counselor she was instructed on how middle school boys act and that she needs to learn to deal with it.  The hell???  Last time I heard my taxes weren’t paying her ass to blow my kid off… would be in her best interest to solve the damn problem.

I have a good kid. I really do-  I’m not just saying that. Wanna know how I know? Because I’m a nosy momma and I randomly go through her Facebook and instagram. If I see anything that’s inappropriate she has to remove it. We talk about why its inappropriate. I also see who she texts and what she says. I have her passwords, not her.  I make decisions for her because she’s 12.  I don’t allow her to dress “slutty” and I screen her friends. She has a time her phone is to be shut off and she has a bedtime at night.
SHE’S 12!!!!! 

I’m not overprotective and most of the time I allow her to fight her own battles. I do understand that when a kid starts at a new school it takes awhile to grow some new roots.  Danielle had been in the same school system with the same kids since kindergarten – just the same as the kids in her new school have been. I get it, there are clicks already formed and the “new kid” has to earn their way in. That’s fine. I’ve been there myself.  I also know that Lel isn’t innocent and you better believe that she is called down for ill behavior towards others. I’m not some naive mother who thinks her kid does no wrong.  I don’t like to get into the drama of middle school but I will when it becomes more than typical middle school drama. When it becomes bullying or harrassment I have zero tolerance.

If you want kids to stop killing other kids and their teachers and/or killing themselves then stop blowing shit off and do something about the bullies when it’s brought to your attention THE FIRST TIME!!!!!!! 

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-Willow

Day 30 – Unplug your kids

You know whats wrong with kids today? Their parents!! It’s the parents that are making the next generation fat, lazy and unable to cope in the real world.

When I was a kid I went outside to play… allllllll damn day.  Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t just turned out – I had to check-in every now and then to let my parents know that I was still alive, otherwise, I was outside until the streetlights came on.  Where I grew up kids actually played sports together, rode bikes, walked around the neighborhood… we hung out.  Really hung out. We knew how to socialize.   We didn’t have ADHD. We didn’t backtalk, roll our eyes or siiiiigh either. If did once, we didn’t do it again that’s for sure.  And before you start in with a big hoopty-doo about spankings and blah-blah-blah..  I can honestly say I don’t every remember getting a spanking. I can also say honestly that I have maybe once spanked my older kids but never my 13 year old.  I didn’t need a spanking because I knew not to be disrespectful. Simple as that.  Not today’s kids though–   rude as hell.  Blame their parents. I do.

     I moved into the trailer park when I was going into 6th grade, I guess I was about 11ish???   The trailer park is where the rest of my growing up happened from the age of 11 until I got married. (the first time- that’s a whole other blog, man)  Like I was sayin’, kids back in my day knew how to be kids.  In the trailer park we hung out for hours, every day, down at the basketball court. We would have the Beastie Boys drinking Brass Monkey, Tone Loc trying to get off of the Funky Cold Medina, Bobby Brown trying to prove a point, making sure we all knew it was his prerogative, Milli Vanilli blaming everything on the damn rain, and Axel trying to get us all to go with him to paradise city.   We were awesome kids!!!

That era was all about the car…..someone was always coming of age in the trailer park which meant they had a car to park down at the basketball court that we could sit on- – sitting on a trunk with your boom-box (don’t act like you didn’t have one!!) was cool.   I remember this one girl, I think her name was Angie, she had a blue Pacer- hell, maybe it was a Gremlin- either way, it was the biggest lemon ever, but back then, we thought we were the shit sitting in it while she did laps around the trailer park practicing for her license.. hahahaha      Brandenburg had this pale yellow Olds 442.  The wheels probably cost more than his trailer, no joke.  He would be outside every weekend shirtless, in his cut-offs, with his perfect BeeGee’s feather just a’waxing and a’polishing…  mmmm hhmmm.. he was a cutie for sure.  haha.   OH!!  And how could I forget about Chuck’s car? I have no idea what it was but it was huge and metallic green! The inside was like white and he had a kick-ass stereo system.  He wasn’t cute though… he looked like Lamb Chop on cocaine. Again, no joke.   My friends step-dad had a pretty cool car; a 68 GTO (I just had to text him and ask him what it was) It had this “toxic lead paint,” per my friend, and when you touched it, it would rub off or turn the car bluish-purple.   yep – cars and stereo systems- we were awesome kids!!

We had so much fun- something today’s kids know nothing about.  We didn’t have cell phones.  We didn’t have X-box XXV, Wii fit, PlayStation or laptops.  If we were lucky we had an old Atari or a Nintendo-  (just Nintendo, Mario was flat, man.) And when we were sick of our games, we had to trade with a friend because we couldn’t download them from the internet.  And omg.. remember when your game wouldn’t work so you had to take it out and blow in it?  Sometimes the system itself was messed up so you had to put the game cartridge in and put like a folded up piece of paper in with it to hold it down just right.  Lemme just add, even though we had our game systems, we weren’t allowed to play it all day, like kids do today.   Our parents wanted us out of the house and we wanted out of the house.  We wanted to spend the night with our friends…  it was AWFUL if we got grounded and had to stay in.

Oh, AND let me just point out a little something-something, almost no one was over-weight. We might of had ONE fat kid on our team when playing games at school; MAYBE.  I can’t even think of one off the top of my head. I really can’t. Nowadays you’re lucky if you have one thin kid on your team.  And don’t get me started on the pale, gauntly kids who have apparently never received natural vitamin D a day in their life. That’s because kids don’t play outside.  Their parents allow them to sit, eat and get fat.  No one cooks anymore either- it’s all about go-go-go, fast, fast, faster- –  drive-thru’s, microwaves and prepackaged artery clogging, diabetes causing convenience.  GO TEAM PARENTS!!!  Woot! Woot!

Unplugging and going outside helps to developed all kinds of skills kids need in their adult life, like how to work as a team, how to lose, how to argue, how to fight and how to say they’re sorry.  They learn how to stand up for and to each other. These things are the things that still bond my childhood friends and I together, 30 years later.  Today’s generation of kids will never know those kinds of bonds; can’t make real friends in an online world, people.  Unplug your kid.

lazy kids today