Day 51- Tootsie Rolls

The wiener dog got lost in the backyard two days ago and about froze to death- ever since, he’s been taking a dump on the deck.  I get mad and yell at him to get out in the yard and what does he do?  He runs where I can’t see him.  I’m thinking he went to the yard..nope… he’s crapping nearer to the steps and out of sight.  Today I went out and shoveled all the frozen tootsie rolls off the deck and tossed them into the yard.  I swear not 3 hours later my husband starts laughing hysterically.  I ask what’s so funny and he says, “Cooper is pooping on the deck again.”

Damn dog.


Day 26 – Grasshoppers are scary

There’s only one thing I truly don’t like and that’s flying insects.  One time I had this huge Oscar fish named Willie. He was orange and cream colored with a little bit of gold.  I grew Willie from a tiny baby. He started out eating flakes then little pellets. He was the cutest little fish. He had a 50 gallon tank full of friends that he liked to play ‘chase’ with.  Willie was trained to beg for food when he saw us. We could hold his little pellets at the top of the water and he’d swim up and take them from your hand. As he grew he began eating bigger pellets and dried insects.  As a treat Willie ate ground beef or chicken, sometimes dogfood.  Willie grew into a beast. He was every bit the size of a dinner plate, no joke!!


And he was not a team player because while playing chase, he’d eat his friends.  Bad ass fish!!! Well this one time I forgot to goto PetSmart on the way home from work to get Willie’s bugs so I had to go out and catch some.  Damnit. 
You should have seen me in my long sleeved rubber gloves and mucking boots trying to catch a few grasshoppers. I’d attempt to sneak up on one and it would fly at me, I’d duck, swat, scream and run away, flailing my arms all at the same time.  I about had a nervous breakdown for real.  Grasshoppers are mean!!! I remember vividly finally getting one. It came out of nowhere and landed on a stepping stone near my boot.  I hurried and put my hand over it (yes with a gloved hand- no way in hell I’m going to touch it with my bare hands you sicko- they bite!!) and then I froze. It was like my brain disconnected from logic- I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to grab it and squish it in my glove and I also didn’t want to move my hand and take the chance of letting the grasshopper loose. If he would have flown at me in anger, I might have had a heart attack right there. Luckily for me my 2nd grader was there to come to my aid. Kayla picked that grasshopper up and carried him right in to Willie like a boss. (After I told her not to be scared; it wouldn’t bite)  hahahaha.
I’m such a bad mom.


I bet you anything Kayla wouldn’t touch a grasshopper now, not even to save her own life.



Cooper Jones should have been named the Frito Bandito.  Even after a bath with all the trimmings, his little feet still smell like corn chips.  Doxies like to tunnel and they like to tunnel under your blankets; Everytime I rolled over, I got a hankering for some chili n’ cheese. 😨

Day 6- Mini Cooper Jones

My youngest got her first dog when she was 18 months old; a 4 week old mini dachshund.  Short red hair covered his tiny hotdog shaped body. He was so dang cute. Wait… lemme back up for a minute.
  We decided to get a dog after my aunts stupid schnauzer, Max, barked and scared the crap out of Danielle one day when we were visiting.  Danielle was so afraid of all dogs after that day.  Being an animal lover there was no way I could have a child of mine be terrified of a dog or any other creatures for that matter.  I did a lot of research on the best dogs for kids before making up my mind on a dachshund.  My grandfather had a doxie when he was a kid and had many great things to say for the breed. A friend of mind also had a couple of Doxies  growing up and he seemed to love his a lot too.  After a little more research I found a breeder up in Indiana, about two hours north from where I lived.  We took Danielle and drove up to view the grounds.  The breeders were an older couple who didn’t seem to be in it for the money but rather for the love of the breed.  They had two champion Doxies and one puppy left.  The sire and bitch ran in the yard, happy and free, the pup did well to walk without tripping over his too big of ears.  It took me all of 2 seconds to fall in love with the little red pup.  Being 4 weeks old he wasn’t weaned yet and the breeder was reluctant to let him go but I lived two hours away and didn’t want to come back.  Somehow I managed to talk them into trusting me with his little life.  After handing over $300 I scooped up the pup, collected his papers and off we went.

A dog has to have a good name.  I had it in my mind that I was going to name him Tucker but when I got him, he didn’t look like a Tucker.  At the time I was married to a Japanese man and our last name was, Wada. I was also totally in love with the Mini Cooper vehicle and since my pup was a tiny little low rider I decided to call him, “Wada Mini Cooper.

Cooper was an easy pup. He was housebroken quickly and he was very well tempered. Danielle quickly learned to trust her new “goggy” and a love affair soon began.   There was nothing Danielle didn’t do to her pup as they grew up.  She pushed him in strollers, dressed him in doll clothes. She read to him, covered him in stickers..  everywhere we went, so did Coopie, even on vacations!!!
We almost moved to Japan when Danielle was 3 and poor Coopie had a series of things to go through.  Because Japan is a rabies free country, Cooper had to be microchipped  (before it was common to do so) he had to have a rabies titer test, and be quarantined for an X amount of time.  What an expensive bunch of shit, and we didn’t even move!! Hahahaha
I almost killed the little guy once with two slices of pepperoni.   I pulled it off my pizza and fed it to him. It was meat and dogs like meat-  how was I supposed to know that the capsaicin in the pepperoni would cause his stomach to bleed?  He was outside howling in pain with a steady stream of blood pouring from under his tail. I was heartbroken.
Two days in the hospital, several bags of fluids and $400 later, Coopie was back home.  (He’s never eaten another pepperoni)

One day Danielle called Cooper, “Cooper Jones” and it stuck.  I don’t know why she called him that and I don’t know why it stuck – but she did and it did and that’s been Coops name for several years now.

When Danielle and I moved from our old house and into the new one with a new family (I remarried to a man with three kids and two dogs) Cooper wasn’t happy. He lost his mind and used the carpet several times.   Cooper ended back up at the old house with my oldest daughter, Kayla, and her family.    Kayla was never a huge fan of Cooper but she took good care of him. He was happy to be in his house with his cat and his yard.   After Kayla gave birth to Rae, Cooper bonded to her as he did to baby Danielle 10 years earlier.  For the past 18 months Rae has grown up with Coopie at her side. Rae has sat on him, pulled his ears and tail, played with him, splashed in his water, slept beside him and fattened him up with her cookies and other snacks.  I would have never imagined he would end up biting her.  Apparently Rae tried to hug his neck and he went after her. I’m guessing she accidently hurt him somehow and he reacted.  Whatever the reason that’s not a chance I’d want to take again. 😦 Rae ended up with a small bruise on her eyebrow but it could have been a lot worse.

Tonight I went to get Cooper Jones. He’s an old man now, 70 in dog years. His once velvety red hair is mostly white and his sweet puppy breathe now smells like he’s been eating cat crap. After I brought him home I bathed him, clipped his nails, brushed his teeth and gave him a snack.  He asked to go out in his new backyard but our other dog, Lyric, has a pigear burried out there somewhere and she wouldn’t let Cooper off of the brick patio so he came back up the steps to poop on the deck 😒 …well, at least it wasn’t inside the house right? 


Candy coated kitteh

… not the latest Asian delicacy. As Kayla, my daughter and I were in the middle of making blue glass candy, Augustus, my 7 month old tuxedo kitteh, decided to jump up on the counter and into 300°f melted blue sugar that was spread out on a cookie sheet.   I think Augustus was going for the window that I had just opened. I had to open it because when you add flavored oils to molten sugar the vapors will burn your sinuses out of your face!!
Before I knew it Augustus was flying thru the house like a bat outta hell flinging the melted blue sugar all over his body and all over the kitchen.  It looked like a scene straight from “Breaking Bad.”

After chasing Augustus down and submerging him under cold water I found that although he looked like a cat lollipop, the only damage was to his toe pads. Thank goodness for dense fur!!

Kayla held the crunchy kitteh down while I cut the hardened candy from his fur. He actually started purring at one point and tried to goto sleep.  Poor baby.
We sent a photo to our vet friend and she called him in some über strong pain meds and told us to coat his paws in hydrocortisone cream.
While we tended to Augustus, my husband was in the kitchen scraping blue candy off of the hardwood floor, the back door, the stove, caninets, window, granite, walls….  the shit was everywhere!!!!!  I don’t know if yall know but as hard candy cools it can be pulled like spider webs and boy did we have the webs!!  We will be finding blue candy until next Easter I’m sure.

It’s been about 4 hours since our Kitteh 911, and Augustus isn’t complaining at all.  I have him trapped in our huge dogs’ crate.  He just used his litter box and is currently eating.
I think I’ll leave him be for a few days so his pads can heal.  I don’t think he should jump and climb about and chance popping a blister.