Day 37 – Sales

Today I was in the mall and I couldn’t help but to notice all the sales.  Can someone explain to me why there’s end of winter sales going on when winter is right outside my door- everyday for the past month AND will continue to be until the end of March?!?! Did they miss the groundhogs’ memo??  Plus Im not going to San Juan anytime soon therefore I don’t need shorts, tshirts or a bathing suit right now.  I definitely do not need sunblock, sandals or flips. Wth?   

I also saw all kinds of Valentines Day sales.  Ok.. here’s a few gripes about that:
(1) I would be deeply offended if my husband only showed his affections for me on the day (just 1) that they rest of the world has set aside for doing so and,
(2) If he does decide to buy into the commercialism of Valentine’s Day he better not be a cheap-ass and buy me a discounted gift. Hahahaha Nobody wants to see an almost peeled 40% off sticker on the bottom of their box of chocolates.  Please don’t take me the wrong way, I’m in no way trying to say I would be ungrateful for a discounted gift- I am the biggest penny pincher ever, but if I’m going to get a gift on a holiday that the world has dictated as a day for sweethearts to shown their love for one another, I better be worth full price.. that’s all I’m saying.  haha IM KIDDING!!!

A lot of people get their feelings hurt on Valentine’s Day because (1) the dont have a “Valentine,” or (2) they expect expensive flowers, Godiva chocolates and the Melting Pot for dinner and instead they get discounted chocolate and a stupid stuffed bear from CVS. 
If I were a dude, I’d totally breakup with my girlfriend before Valentine’s Day so I didn’t have to but her stuff- hahahaha Well…that’s because Valentine’s Day is a crock of shit.   Roses (that smell like a funeral home) that aren’t worth $25 a dozen are jacked up to $100 and the boxes of chocolate have like only 3 good ones in them; the rest are filled with that nasty-ass raspberry cream and because it’s Valentine’s Day people will pay too much for them.   Every restaurant, including White Castle, is booked and that pisses people like me off.  What if I just wanted a burger, man?   Speaking of White Castle, are you aware that they require reservations and they put white table clothes on the tables AND hold weddings on Valentine’s Day?? Nothing says, “forever” like a bag of sliders and a Big Red pop!!   😈
In all seriousness, I’m lucky that I have a good husband who shows me all year long how much he loves me.  The best trinkets are his little love notes and a mason jar full of daisy’s…, he gives the best back rubs.   Love doesn’t have to be purchased to be shown and it can be shown often…
It needs to be shown often…
It MUST be shown often.

Then later tonight we were out looking for a new couch and there’s all these President’s Day sales. . . Why?  Obama need a couch too? President’s Day is crazy to me…  we have one President and he doesn’t need a sale to be able to afford a couch plus he’s screwed up our health insurance so much, he should just give me a damn couch after how much we had to pay out of pocket to meet our family deductible!!!  Know what else is messed up about President’s Day?  The kids are home from school.   Gee thanks Obama.
President’s Day sales…  smh..    and don’t forget to make your reservations.

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-Willow

Day 18 – Walmart

As Biology presentations call my name from the other open tabs- I ponder the things I thought about while shopping at Walmart a half hour ago.  That place is freaking genius in its design.  Kudos to Sam though… he sure knew what he was doing when he put the milk and bread in the way back.  I swear to you, I went for milk, bread and medicine but left with that PLUS 30 more items I didn’t know I needed!!   Well played Sam, well played.

Sam was smart, he knew what America needed, but his family or whoever owns the chain now, they are tight as hell with those millions.  I mean, co’mon now, how much could it possibly cost to buy new buggies (carts where you’re from) from time to time? Or at least hire some kid to WD40 those things after school -geeze.  I seriously don’t know how I do it- but every time I choose a buggy,  I get the one that was used in the last installment of Jackass.  Usually its a wheel that turned sideways or won’t turn at all, today it was the ‘skip-wheel.’  You know.. it’s the wheel that has a chunk missing from it or something because it makes the worst sound as it attempts to roll. Everyone and their grand-momma can hear you coming from three lanes back. Embarrassing.  Today I pulled a bad buggy from its corral, noticed right off, put it back and pulled a new one.  I felt like I won the buggy lottery with my new selection– then it happened.  My wonderful, perfectly rolling buggy started making a loud click- click- click sound as I pushed it through the store. Figuring out why my buggy was throwing a temper-tantrum didn’t matter at this point because I wasn’t about to take it back, unload it and reload a new one.     Row by row I click-click-clicked my way through Walmart grabbing random items off the shelf.  I had hoped the weight of the items would quite my buggy down. That was wishful thinking right there y’all.

The most annoying thing about a noisy buggy is the attention you draw from it. Wanna know why people turn to see the noisy buggy?  They do it out of guilt!! That’s right, sick, twisted curiosity made them look to see who got the bad buggy they put back.  That’s a wrong kind of, ‘Pay it Forward,’ people.  Just wroooong.   Oh and what really chapped my ass today wasn’t even the buggy- it was the lady in the black hijab.   As I stood there looking for Keurig tea pods this woman turns in the aisle and stops.  I can see her mid-peripheral, and she’s not looking for items, she’s looking at me.  Now, in case you didn’t know this, I have a quick temper and I find it rude for someone to stare.  That begin said, I lifted my head and stood staring back at her with a cocked eyebrow.  When she finally turned away, so did I. For the life of me I don’t know what her problem was.  Maybe she was offended that I was wearing typical white girl Walmart attire: leggings, fake Uggs, long-sleeve T and a scarf. Whatever. All I wanted was tea pods, and guess what?  They didn’t have any!!  smh.

And what about the loud cell phone talker?  Oh, you know the one.  He (or she) is douche-bagging about the aisles having a LOUD imaginary business deal conversation as a way to impress another shopper.  How does that even work, ’cause I’m like, yeah ok–  you’re doing so well that you have to shop at Walmart, oh and, by the way, only poor people buy Ramen in bulk.   hahahahahaha  No thanks.

I’m pretty sure that only at Walmart you have the too-chatty, slightly off check-out person that wants to talk to you about your selections.  I always smile and humor them but inside I’m like, “Good grief, lady, please stop talking to me about my Fruit Loops!”  Can someone please tell me what the deal is with the bagging?  Either you get a bag for every single item you purchased or you get one bag with all 50 crammed inside. There should be a bagging seminar or something because apparently its rocket science– and NO!!  No I don’t want my milk in a bag because— IT HAS A HANDLE!!!

The parking lot is just as entertaining.  The parking lot is where buggies are rolling, unattended in the wind, where people change baby diapers and where rednecks replace car parts.  I noticed all of these things while pushing my buggy (that’s not making noise outside, wth?) to my car.

I giggle every time I’m at Walmart- never a dull moment.
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